Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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