I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
