I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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