so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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