I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
