we have officially mastered the walk of shame
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
So squirting runs in the family.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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