Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
