My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
