does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
