I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
