just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
