I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
