You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
