i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Randomize
