i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
