now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
