Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
