HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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