We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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