I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
