I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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