I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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