Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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