dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
