shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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