I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
