forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
