just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
