My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
