can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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