Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
