I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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