I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
