remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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