Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
