my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
