I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
