fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
