omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
