just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
