Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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