My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
