I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
