the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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