I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
