Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I FOUND THE LEGS
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
