I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
