Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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