I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
