A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
