I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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