I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
