based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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